parential downpour

I was writing an email to my father a few minutes ago, and realized that my blog has been somewhat neglected recently. As always, I have a plethora of excuses, but that's a useless exercise, so we'll skip it.

My parents were in town this week, and that made it quite the whirlwind. I picked Mom up from the airport late Monday evening, and it was full speed ahead from there. Tuesday was quite leisurely for her, as I had class for most of the day, but on Wednesday we headed out to Lantau Island via the ferry and had a wonderful time. It was fantastic to be somewhere so quiet. We took a lovely little walk into the forest and stopped at a waterfall before heading back to the harbor for the ferry ride back. After spending several hours there, I decided that it's my medication of choice if I ever get overstimulated by the city.Dad got into town that night and we had dinner. It was wonderful to see both of them. I forget how nice it is to be loved on until they're with me. We explored various parts of downtown HK for the next few days, and it was nice to have renewed motivation for exploring the crazy metropolis in which I live. How easy it is to forget!

Their presence also helped me to regain perspective on my internal balance. I feel much better after their visit. People that truly know you have such a grounding effect! Thank God for that. We had ice cream together on a windy balcony in Central last night. That will make a very good memory. I must file it away for future comfort. It was also wonderful when Mom said goodbye and we stood in the middle of the Departures terminal in a three-person hug. There was never a sweeter little huddle of love in the world! It leaves a mark on your heart when people love you that much.

And now, for a something slightly closer to my real thoughts, an excerpt from my father's email and my response to it that I mentioned earlier:

Dad: "I re-entered the hotel from the Nathan Rd. side and saw the reason for the people with the open suitcases on the sidewalk outside the hotel door. They were doing a photo shoot of a model on the center divider of Nathan Rd. with the HKG traffic zooming up behind her in the background. The suitcases were for wardrobe changes.

Mystery revealed!"

Me: "Whoa! That's really cool. I feel I never notice when things like this are happening right next to me. I tend to think of everyone around me as mundane. I guess I should stop assuming that, considering what an oddity I am, huh? It isn't very common for a 19 year old girl from TN to be in HK, and still be serious about God. This is why I never notice the famous people around Malibu, I suppose. Ah well, with time I hope to be more observant. I'm happy that you solved our little mystery, though!

Church was great this morning, and I've had a blessed day because of it. Two people told me at different times today how grateful they are to be my friend--the very thing I needed on this day that my biggest fans are leaving me. God is very good!

In other news, BUDA only becomes more intimidating. I found out the official practice schedule today, and it is as follows for the next 2 weeks:

Th 1900-2100
Sat 1400-1800
Sun 1400-1800

Despite the daunting schedule, I'm feeling good about it. This is going to be a real dance--not some namby-pamby club bonding on stage! My muscles wanted to give up by the end of practice today, we'd done so much booty-shakin'. I don't care what anyone says--hip hop dance is an athletic event in and of itself! I hope that this hard training will help me get a real handle on the style, so that I don't have to put it down once I leave HKBU. I'm terrified of this week for more than one reason, as I've got a quiz Tue, a paper Th, and a painting of bamboo for Fr, but I know God will provide a beautiful way for it to come together if I let him."

Yes, I'd say this has been a very good week.

p. s. Peppertown's neighbors are on fire, and Malibu Pres burned down! How unhappy is that?

p. p. s. I am so tired from dancing and worrying about friends back home that I just fell asleep at the keyboard. At least with online journaling, there's no pen line running down the page when I wake up! :) Goodnight, all.

barely controlled fluidity

I'm completely convinced that I am happy in HK.

However, I have sudden, sharp pangs of discontent. They don't make much sense to me, but I guess in the end that's the human condition, right? I haven't been as devoted to staying close with God in the past couple weeks. Well, maybe that isn't fair. I've been relatively disciplined in making healthy decisions this week. Perhaps a more accurate description would be to say the struggle for internal balance and peace has been much more intense over the last few days.

I am completely confused by my relationships here. I really love the people I'm with, but sometimes all the experiences and secrets we share leave me hollow. Okay, so I know more about Mr. or Miss. X than anyone else on the trip. Big deal! I feel like I'm keeping score on some kind of cheap game.

Maybe I just feel disillusioned because I continue to have unrealistic expectations of relationships. I want a deep, tender, mutually beneficial friendship. Now! (As if that's at all reasonable.) I really thought I'd put aside such demanding ideals, but it seems old patterns die hard.

One step at a time, I suppose. I used to have agendas for people. Somehow I thought I had all the answers for their life as well as mine. I could love them beautifully--they just had to understand my way was right! Talk about conditional love--thinking back on it, I feel quite ashamed. With God's grace, that prideful attitude will remain a vanquished foe.

How exactly this ties in, I'm not sure, but my artistic pursuits seem to be connected to my ups and downs. My hunch is that in deciding to be newly flexible in the ways that painting and dance require puts me in a state of flux. Therefore, my normally ironclad confidence is too brittle to keep up as I change. Maybe that's a good thing.

Overall, I love change and growth, but I tend to forget the birthing pains that come along with truly dramatic growth. Thankfully, I am learning to appreciate the exhilarating but frightening sensation of slipping towards change.

I need your grace.

I felt kinda crappy last night. I don't know if that came across in my entry or not, but it's definitely true. After talking and thinking, I've decided that even though all the classes and new people and new experiences are overwhelming, I'm not going to let them beat me.

I could lay around in my room and feel sorry for myself, which would be more than easy to do, but I refuse. It's time to grow up one more time. I will take care of myself by exercising regularly, eating well, praying often, and accepting things easily. No more of this pity-party crap.
God loves me, I love me, and that should be enough fuel to get me going each day.

In keeping with this line of thinking, I'm going to go swim now, and then swing by the library to do some reserve reading for class tomorrow. Life doesn't have to be as dramatic as we like to think, thank goodness!