Thursday, September 13, 2007

Just say no, kids.

There's a bizarre pattern that I'm noticing here in my second week of studying abroad: International students seem to think that the weekend starts on Wednesday and doesn't end until Monday night, even when they have class.

Please tell me that this is a phase people will get over. It makes me feel so edgy! Am I missing out on everything? Is it weird to feel uncomfortable with the idea of going out with people who will most likely get fall-down drunk? Okay, that isn't fair. I don't know if they do that every time they go out--but the idea that they might still makes me feel panicky. I don't want to find my way back to campus at 2 am by myself from downtown if everyone else feels like stumbling back at 5 am instead. (And I've heard stories involving times just like that, so it's no exaggeration.)

At least I'm getting to be friends with some really good people. I'm going to go out with some of the tamer crowd tomorrow night, and we're getting our hair done before. I'm really looking forward to that, so at the moment I'm trying to focus on it instead of stressing out.

To be realistic, there was more to my remorse and panic over turning down the invitation to go out tonight than just fear of exclusion. I've already decided that I'm not going to pursue this for multiple reasons, but I kind of like one of the guys who invited me, and despite my decision to no longer encourage interest, I still felt extreme internal pressure to please him. I kept calm on the surface, but I basically freaked out after I called to cancel on him.

I don't know--people seem to feel I am too expressive or too emotional, but I honestly feel like I'm more content than most people. Yeah, I don't hide my enthusiasm or my disappointment or even my seriousness for that matter, but it's only honesty--not psychosis. :) I like being expressive and open. It's fun, and I never have to worry about "if I'd said this" or "if I'd only told him that." I think everyone experiences the things that I express. It's just human, but for some reason we rarely share our humanity. That's okay. I plan to love and grieve openly anyway, even if it isn't the popular choice.


Paulina said...

Hey sweetie. Your openness never ceases to amaze me, and I am extremely impressed by your ability to keep your head and your morals (as it were) even when feeling conflicted about something like this. I admire you liek whoa. ♥

As far as the whole week-long weekend thang you've got going, I can attest to the truth of that. ;-) Me, I never bought into it, but you know how very social I am. *rolls eyes* I think in some ways it was different for my group because some of the internship people went out with their coworkers after work and so on; and since we were, you know, in the heart of London there always was a lot of stuff going on. At least in London the Tube runs until midnight and then there are night buses - I'm not sure how the transport system works in Hong Kong, so I can't really be of help there. But if ever I went out - which admittedly wasn't often, since I travelled a lot - it actually was during the weekend. I valued class and my grades too much to get hammered every night. Besides, alcohol is exPENsive as all hell. Anyway, of course it's not weird to feel uncomfortable when in the presence of drunken people (hence why I rarely went out); don't you dare feel silly about it. Drunk people do stupid things so naturally you don't want to get yourself into a potentially bad situation. Keep to your good (moral) people, like you already are, and do da right ting. (Be a man. Buy the purse.)

Remember I wuv you v much, and you're often in my thoughts. Love love!


Paulina said...

(And sorry for the long comment. I like to rattle on. *wink*)

Aunt P said...

Hey Kiddo!

You are right to not do anything that would compromise your morals or your grades! The thought of my sweet niecy getting caught out by herself in the middle of the night is more than I can tolerate! Be true to yourself and know you are loved for that very thing!

I think of you every day!

Love, Aunt P

Sarsoura said...

Leann=) Apologies for not replying to your blogs earlier but here my first one goes.. and it sure goes for a great blog!!

I think this blog truly shows how amazing you are- you have this unique set of traits that come together- and what I mean is things that you don't expect people to have simultaneously..

The sad part is I wrote out an explanation maybe 5 times now but every time I reread it it confuses me more.. but just so you know, I enjoy talking to you about anything.. you always have something to say 9and not just anything, if you know what I mean ;-)