There's a bizarre pattern that I'm noticing here in my second week of studying abroad: International students seem to think that the weekend starts on Wednesday and doesn't end until Monday night, even when they have class.
Please tell me that this is a phase people will get over. It makes me feel so edgy! Am I missing out on everything? Is it weird to feel uncomfortable with the idea of going out with people who will most likely get fall-down drunk? Okay, that isn't fair. I don't know if they do that every time they go out--but the idea that they might still makes me feel panicky. I don't want to find my way back to campus at 2 am by myself from downtown if everyone else feels like stumbling back at 5 am instead. (And I've heard stories involving times just like that, so it's no exaggeration.)
At least I'm getting to be friends with some really good people. I'm going to go out with some of the tamer crowd tomorrow night, and we're getting our hair done before. I'm really looking forward to that, so at the moment I'm trying to focus on it instead of stressing out.
To be realistic, there was more to my remorse and panic over turning down the invitation to go out tonight than just fear of exclusion. I've already decided that I'm not going to pursue this for multiple reasons, but I kind of like one of the guys who invited me, and despite my decision to no longer encourage interest, I still felt extreme internal pressure to please him. I kept calm on the surface, but I basically freaked out after I called to cancel on him.
I don't know--people seem to feel I am too expressive or too emotional, but I honestly feel like I'm more content than most people. Yeah, I don't hide my enthusiasm or my disappointment or even my seriousness for that matter, but it's only honesty--not psychosis. :) I like being expressive and open. It's fun, and I never have to worry about "if I'd said this" or "if I'd only told him that." I think everyone experiences the things that I express. It's just human, but for some reason we rarely share our humanity. That's okay. I plan to love and grieve openly anyway, even if it isn't the popular choice.